~ appears unannounced in the game menu on X-Mas Eve ~
At
an office party, the screaming yuppies terrified at the line of
gun-wielding madmen. A strange man enters the room to the podium ...
Strange man - "Hello ... hello ... shhh ... hello yes, hello. My name is Nakatomi Scrooge. Yes ... shhh ... yes ... " He looks around, leans on the podium and grins sideways to a lady in the front row. "Wanna know what happened to Tiny Tim's legs ?"
...
They get it, shock and horror from the crowd, laughter from the strange man as the mad start firing in the air to herd them along.
('Christmas in Hollis' by Run DMC)
A limo sways through the traffic, the companions in the back, Death driving. Explosions of war all around, the madman firing into the air among the screams, they're oblivious inside while they sway side to side to the music and fake credits.
Non-existent characters cycled
through with cameo shots of non-existent scenes and superstar caricature
cameos. As they celebrate in the backseat ~
~ choose yer character ~
The Explorer highlights as The Ghost of X-Mas Past, Killer holding a present (the present is highlighted), Learner as Future.
The chosen character is unceremoniously dumped unarmed with no powers into the street as the rest drive swerving away, remaining middle fingers out the windows laughing. As the character stands ...
~ Just Die Already 9 ~
The
character walks to the remaining music, an APC is taken out by a rocket
from the rooftop, a cop is trying to pick a lock. The player looks at
the cop like he's nuts, a rock smashes through the window.
~ Nakatomi's Revenge ~
The player enters the building.
Wife - "I'm the player's wife." (it doesn't matter who you choose or what gender, you've never seen this lady before in your gaming life) "And we have demands. Like bathrooms, and my new husband's very pregnant mistress needs a couch. She's complainy ... "
Scrooge - "I see ... " He looks at the madmen, they shrug ... "Seems easier to shoot you all really, I mean the cops are already here ..."
Wife - "Ever shot someone who hasn't used a bathroom in a really long time before ? I have. And there are a lot of us. All very drunk."
The madmen look around concerned and disgusted ...
Scrooge - "Fine. But do you know what happens to hero's wives ... ?"
~ A refrigerator door slams, she pounds and screams her rage from inside.
Scrooge - Sits on the couch, far end from the pregnant mistress, her feet up and shoes off. Smiles to her, "Hi."
...
Scrooge - Glances at her feet and back, "Would you like a foot rub ?"
...
Mistress - Curls her toes ... "Kinda."
~ The player grabs the dead guard's pistol and enters the elevator. Suddenly looks really annoyed before the closing door.
Bonuses according to the number of survivors, from a vaguely functional slingshot (which is actually cool) to a Red Rider Rifle that always hits the enemy's eye (twice to make 'em blind but that's the only damage it actually does) to Santa's Airship.
Whatever Christmas Crap we can think of at the time.
~ it chooses a floor on the buttons ~
Personally my dream Christmas games are the ones that don't actually follow the story but let you do what you want under the given scenario.
Like
in this case mapping out an entire basic office building, upper levels
incomplete, and the terrorists placed randomly different each time
throughout, hostages on an unknown floor, unknown
numbers.
Here story progression is by kills.
~ after the first ~
The elevator door opens before the terrorists, a bloody carcass tied to a chair with pennies for eyes, the shirt says "I found a vending machine."
Scrooge's toy walkie-talkie sounds ...
Player - Slurping sound and candy wrappers crinkling (these are health packs), "Hi bad guy !"
Scrooge - ... "Hi ... "
Player - Covered in blood and glass for no reason, "So. Not that I actually care about any of them in particular or anything, but how are those hostages doing ? I'm like a negotiator." Slurps.
Scrooge - "I see ... they are fine ... but your wife ... is in a refrigerator. Running out of air as we speak."
... simultaneous slurp and chewing ...
Player - "Who ?"Scrooge - "Don't play stupid with me 'the good guy' ... I have a little friend here to speak to you ..."
The mistress takes the talkie while Scrooge rubs her feet. Moaning between rubbins ... "Dear John." Clears her throat. "So I've decided on a successful career in international terrorism I mean corporate finance, away from your insanity. Because ... well you're insane.
"Just kind of unstable, ya know what I mean ? It's no place to raise little John-John Jr and honestly ... I'm kind of a fascist !"
Player - "Wow. That actually hurt. Who are you ?"
Scrooge - Takes the talkie back angrily, "Now you listen to me, cow ..."
...
Scrooge - "Heh ... "
Player - Mouth full, "That's it. You must die now." Hangs up angrily.
~ third kill ~
The player now covered in arrows and bandages makes a Christmas tree from body parts, the walkie-talkie sounds ~
Cop - "Hey ! That you in there ?"
Player - "In where ?"
Cop outside the building as a level explodes ... the sound of a player giggle ... "Ev-i-dence."
~ seventh kill ~
Scrooge - 'Acting', "Ooooh God Pleaseee don't Kill Meeee ..."
Player - Blood glass and arrows, chunks of steel now sticking out. "Ew ! Such ... extreme and yuppie like cowardice !"
Points the gun to shoot, it clicks. Shoots to the side, it fires, tries to shoot Scrooge again, it keeps clicking ...
Player - "It's like ... you're so weak you disgust the gun itself !"
Pulls a knife.
Scrooge - "No wait ! I'm not one of them !"
Player - "I know ! Sort of ! It's just ... whatever. What'dya want."
Scrooge - "Can ... I ... have a gun ?"...
Player - Eyeroll, "Sure."
Scrooge points and clicks nothing. Player points and clicks nothing.
Player - "I swear to god."
Scrooge - Runs away "Whoop whoop whoop ..." Disappeared from the level around the nearest corner.
~ tenth kill ~
The guy hanging from the chains eyes staring blankly, motionless.
The
player with a small i-beam through the head, a
fire-axe dragging from the leg and an undetonated rocket wedged in the
shoulder still smoking, stares back at the hanged man's eyes ...
Player - "That's so weird. I mean how do you even know ?"
Shoulders the machine gun and walks away, rounding the corner and eating candy while the hanged man desperately unwraps the chains. The player looks up from the soda and sees Scrooge pointing a gun at a refrigerator.
Scrooge - "Don't move ... cow ..."
Player - Drops the candy in a twitch of rage drawing ... "Scrooooooge !"
Wife - "It's okay, it's a really old refrigerator and I'm pretty sure it's bulletproof. Not even airtight."
Scrooge - "Quiet you !" Pushes the refrigerator over and runs around the corner, "Whoop whoop whoop whoop !" (open fire or not)
The wife kicks open the refrigerator door and leaps out into a hug, "Oh thank God you came for me. I knew you would ... I love you John."
...
Player - "Meh."
The passionate kiss.
Wife - "Now go kill that son of a bitch."
Player - "Kay." Runs after Scrooge while the wife stares after adoringly, then cold.
The sound of dragging chains ...
Wife - "It's clear." Smiles and lights a cigarette. That makes her evil.
Down the hall the last two terrorists open fire, protecting the door to the stairs. Assuming that goes how it should, up to the rooftop with Scrooge and all the hostages, assault helicopter circling where the player earns the bonus.
The slingshot's actually pretty cool.
It should be feasible ( ... ?) to save them all and get Santa's Airship if you panic the people back down the stairs by shooting in the air like the movie. If Scrooge fires among them they're likely to survive. So as they clear, he focuses on the player, by this time the helicopter arrives.
Epic Boss Battle
~ the thirteenth kill ~
Scrooge
hangs from the building's edge by the player's watch while the helicopter spins out of
control open firing, destroying the city all around.
Player - "Let got !"
Scrooge - "Give me the watch ! It's a very nice watch !"
Player - "No !"
Scrooge - "Give ! ... me ! ... the ... !"
Player - "Fine ! I hate this watch !" Unclips it ...
Scrooge - Falling into the explosions of the crashing helicopter below, "She set us both uuuuuuppp ...."
...
Player - "What ?" The walkie-talkie sounds.
Cop - "That you up there ?"
Player - "Up where ?"
~ out the front door with the wife the press and cheers, the wife nods behind.
The hanged man busts from the door behind them preparing to open fire, the player throws the wife down and dives for cover. A shot.
The cop with his gun drawn smoking, wide eyed.
Player - "Nice shot."
...
Cop - "Thanks !" Smiles and holsters.
Player - "So you're my wife now ?"
Wife - Glances at the hanged man's body ... "Um. Yes."
Player - "Huh !"
The passionate kiss again ...
~ In the limo driving away, backseats fill with banker's bonds, the pregnant mistress holds her bump smiling, "Everything's going to be just fine little John-John. Everything's going to be just fine."
Death in the driver's seat laughing all the way ...
~ the credits ~